Church Wounds

There are many types of pain; emotional, mental, physical, even spiritual. Some are isolated to that type and others cross the borders into other types of pain. 

Pain from trauma can flood into all types depending on the event and circumstances. A car accident that leaves a survivor while taking the life of another in the vehicle can inundate a person with the physical pain of the accident, emotional pain of loss, mental pain of regret and responsibility, and so much more.

Some hurts cut deeper. Betrayal of a spouse, or abuse by a parent, rejection & alienation from friend groups, family or community all seem to cut to the metaphorical bone. 

Church wounding is one of those that cuts deep; deeper than it ever should. Let me be clear, sometimes it’s due to best intentions or “out of love” or simply misunderstanding. But the Church, that is Christ’s emissaries on earth, have a very clear and pronounced responsibility to live and love as Jesus did - selfless, full of mercy , grace, and above all, love. 

The Count of Monte Cristo is one of my favorite classical works. For those unfamiliar, it’s the story of an innocent man, Dantes, newly wed and experiencing the fruit of hard work and dedication when nefarious parties out for their own gain plot to remove him from the picture. 

He spent years in the worst of prisons, barely surviving and yet planning escape at all cost just to be reunited with his family. His intents turn then to vengeance and in finding freedom he also found anonymity and resources to plot his revenge. 

The rest of the story tells of his machinations against those who unjustly both imprisoned him and foiled any attempt for his release as an innocent man, though they could have assured in.

With great resources he works to undo those responsible for the loss of decades, decades of pain, suffering and injustice. His bride remarried, believing her love was dead. His father dead, pleading for years for his son’s release. 

Tragedy on tragedy at the hands of selfish parties. 

And that’s what is it is - selfish. 

Make no mistake, I’m just as guilty. As was Peter when he came to Jesus demanding that the Lord explain Himself when He said to forgive - not once, but 77 times! 

Jesus knows the power of forgiveness. He is the master, forgiving the entire world. It’s something we grant to others, not for their sake, but ours. 

One of the greatest hurts a believer can endure is in the presence of the church, the body of Christ!

Pause. 

John 13:35 “Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples—if you have love for one another.” 

 

And

John 15:13 “No one has greater love than this—that one lays down his life for his friends.”

This is it. The heart, the center of the lollipop. This is the measure by which the Church succeeds or fails. 

And fail we have. The American Church by and large is leaving a wake of  bodies, broken hearts and fractured families. Why? It’s no longer about Jesus and it’s no longer about laying down our lives. It’s about getting ours. 

Headlines are plentiful - Pastor expelled for unfaithfulness. Church leaders charged with crimes. Whistleblowers raising alarms. 

Whistleblowers?!?! In the church, the body of Christ?!

I started this by pointing to pain; some more severe than others. In my estimation, unjust, selfishly motivated wounds caused by the Church are some of the most heinous and hardest to recover from. 

Why?

The Church is to be like Jesus on earth, today and everyday. Yes, believers make mistakes, sin, fail. I’m not talking about those things that have a byproduct of pain. I’m talking  neglect, abuse, control, manipulation all in the name of higher spirituality, in the name of Jesus. Direct wounding because of doctrinal differences, railroading believers out the church doors because they won’t bend a knee to something they see as unbiblical. Wounding because the person doesn’t give enough money, time, effort, loyalty to the pastor, church or ministry. 

Wounding because questions threaten leadership; questions seen as accusations. Wounding because scripture says to “love one another” and doing that means humbly addressing inconsistencies and conflicts in teaching and practice only to be named an accuser, a dissenter, or worse - an agent of Satan. 

This is why church wounding is so grievous, so atrocious. Those who are to be the very light of love on earth are using the faith to crush those who disagree or to elevate themselves above others, promoting their ministry or conniving to get some earthly pleasure. 

Mark 9 and Matthew 18 record Jesus’ warning -“If anyone causes [one of my believers] to sin, it would be better for him to have a huge millstone tied around his neck and to be thrown into the sea.”

Many often associate this verse with Jesus condemning those who mislead and hurt children. But the context in Mark just before this verse is:

Mark 9:41 For I tell you the truth, whoever gives you a cup of water because you bear Christ’s name will never lose his reward. 

 

Leaders, pastors, ministers of the Gospel of Jesus not only have a responsibility to love as Christ loves, but a mandate! Those who lead - elders, teachers, deacons, pastors - are called to a higher standard. But keep in mind, all believers are part of His royal priesthood(so no, you’re not exempt from this high standard!)

So when a pastor runs a member out of the church for disagreeing with or questioning doctrine, they show the church and the world that Jesus had no place for those who don’t fall in line. They exemplify Christ as a dictator, an iron rod wielding authoritarian whose aim is utter and complete obedience without grace, without compassion, without love. It’s the antithesis of the Gospel message in its entirety. 

I grant that some leaders and ministers act with what they believe is righteous intent, with the best interest of their flock or community in mind. But this is only done from their point of view, their perspective and this, their bias. Can that bias be holy? Absolutely! Addressing bigotry or racism in your midst is just that. Confronting the person throwing themselves at others to find a secure place to land while ratcheting up their so-called “body count” - yes, this too is holy and righteous. 

Running a congregant out of the ministry or church because scripture tells them that man and woman are equal and therefore partners in the home and in ministry when the church holds a complimentarian (that is women submit to men in decision making and ministry settings)view? Then the leaders have lost the plot. 

And another body hits the floor, another heart wounded by those charged to love and support the weak and humble alike. 

Tell me, in what have they redeemed the struggling brother or saved the errant believer if the method is simply rejection, ostracism,  excommunication? Shouldn’t that be the laststep, when all others have failed? And is such a secondary issue worth the cost of this person’s spiritual well-being and potentially even their soul?

I have spoken with many burned by the church over the last 30 years. The stories almost always have the same elements - authoritarian leadership giving an ultimatum because “scripture says so” to the point that any attempt on the offender to reconcile and reach understanding is seen as unrepentance and sinful. 

Remember Mark 9:41? Is this the cup of water Jesus spoke of - “there’s the door”? 

There are more lost souls inside the Church today than ever before. And more denominations and churches and ministries housing those lost souls. And hard truth - those lost souls aren’t finding their way home. At least not in one fragile piece. 

So here is my charge to you, dear reader. Leave it at the cross. Your ideology, your doctrine, your sense of righteousness, and see that brother or sister, that lost or wandering soul as just that: a little child in need of a cup of refreshing water. 

And please, for your sake and theirs, if you can’t, consider that what you do or don’t do to them, what you say to them, how you treat them - that’s Jesus in there and He’s seeing and feeling everything they are. 

Matthew 25:40

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

As for me, I want the King to say “well done, you did right to those I love and to Me.” 

Unpause.

Some say that the Church is God’s hand on earth. And it’s left a giant red handprint across the faces of too many. Yes, mine too. And yes, it’s hard to forgive those who were supposed to be your band of brothers, your closest “kin.”  When the Church wounds a heart, it’s deeper than most. Most people I know don’t say the belong to a church so much as they have a church family; a close community of fellow believers supporting, encouraging, and fighting alongside each other in the name and love of Christ Jesus. 

And we’re all too familiar with the atrocities of the “church” - from inquisitions and holocausts to exploitation and embezzlement. Wherever man has committed sin, he has done so in the church. Horrible, tragic, heartbreaking.

Which is why we should be so mindful of internal wounding, of scarring those inside the body of Christ. Our charge should not be to treat outsiders with kid gloves while running roughshod over those in the pews. That’s

hypocrisy exemplified; magnified. 

But the pain of those wounds are still raw and bleeding in many. If untreated, it will turn bitter and infected. It will kill the wounded. But treatment isn’t a forgone conclusion. It’s not one of those things you can just “give it to Jesus” and wipe your hands and face and move on. Trust, friendship, faith was broken. And these are foundational to true and healthy church relationships. They needed to be repaired if you’re going to stay in the body. And that takes forgiveness and reconciliation. 

But what if the wound is too much? Too deep or wide? Jesus calls us to forgive. And that, like healing, is a process. It’s not one I’ve mastered, but I’m working on it. For me, some of those dear relationships are lost. Or at least permanently scarred. Trust that once was a blessing taken almost for granted is now fractured. Faith, common ground of all believers is now suspect, viewed with a skeptical or even cynical eye. And friendship have dissolved into nothing more that quaint memories, if even that. 

But remember Mark 9? That applies to the wounded too. We can’t hold back that cup of water just because someone did so to us. If anything, we should be more ready and willing to pour out a cool cup because we’ve seen the other side, experienced the hurt first hand. 

I have a ways to go. I know that. Every time I heard someone’s name or was asked if I’ve talked with them, my heart would race, my breath would catch. A flight response would be primed and I would have to fight to keep peace. And before you spiritualize it, that’s what trauma, deep wounding does to a person. It primes them to lash out (fight) or flee (flight). It’s human nature.

Counseling, therapy, and a healthy church environment will help the process, help me. And those things are coming. But for now, I’m learning to forgive. That’s where it starts. And no matter what I think, it doesn’t help that they thought they were doing right, they were being obedient, that God has a plan in all of this…no, God has a plan in spite of all of it. He never intended His children would cut each other to shreds. But He will bring something beautiful from it nonetheless.